but there is something nostalgic about reflecting on the past, about looking fondly back over the last twelve months and noting the road we're traveling on. our family grew by +1, henry is learning the tough lessons of independence and responsibility, joey started logging EMT hours (inching him closer to paramedic school), and i got promoted to ma-ma. i see many days that could use a re-do, and many more i wish i could stop time and hit slow-mo. i'm challenged on the daily to be patient and sweet when i'm pulling out my hairs and screaming on the inside. i learned to pray - about everything, to let God dwell in all the places i'm urged to control, and more so where i have no control. i fell in love with my post-baby body and all its extra fluff. i realized there's a little crunchy-granola-mama-bear in me. my eyes have been opened to how supportive our family and friends are when we've been down on our luck and our ship is much too close to sinking. we've learned to say no to ourselves and our wants and even our needs just to get by. we've shed lots of tears praying as a couple, praying for our mistakes and shortcoming and seeking grace and protection. we've learned to take care of each other and what that looks like for each one of us. i've learned what tough feels like day in and day out, because that's what this year has been: tough. the most challenging year of struggles to date. so, as much as i love 2013 for blessing us with audrey and a love that gives and gives and gives and our little slice of sweet young family life, i'm very much looking forward to the hope that comes with "new".
for 2014, i won't set specific resolutions, i know myself all too well and a resolution is just hopeful thinking to me. i do have a goal that is very close to my heart though, as i know it will grow me for the better, and it's to make the extra effort, in everything. whatever that looks like; to get up on time, to return that text message, to be more thoughtful, to say "yes" more, to listen closer, to stay in the moment, to keep organized, to take care of myself, to let loose, to forgive, to give my best. it reaches and stretches to all facets of my life, home, family, friends, church, and work... i'm going to embrace the tired, cranky, and hard that's gonna come, and i'm gonna put all my extra hugs, affirmations, ya-hoo's, and just because's into it.
happy new year to you and yours too.
