super-mom.

i re-learned a lesson (one of many i'm sure) this week - and it's only thursday! i tried to be super-mom, i tried and i failed. from the outside looking in, everything looks pretty spot on. no dishes in the sink, laundry is (almost) put away, lunches are made and the baby's bag is packed each night, homework is done, everybody's washed and clean, and dinner is hot on the table.

let me back up. joey started his new job this week! yeeoww! and wowza, he looks mighty handsome in his uniform. if only i could get him to ditch his tom selleck look-a-like stash, well... never-you-mind ;)

and while we're all excited he's back to work in the civilian world, it is making for some pretty long days and extra short nights. to be attentive and 100% there for the kiddos, when audrey just wants to be held 24/7 and henry wants to show you something every 2 minutes and the cat (the damn cat!!!) is crying to be fed or loved or let outside. when dinner is half frozen in the pan cause the baby won't stop crying and you can't feed her AND man the stove. when you're chopping veggies and shouting out spelling words and the relaxing tunes of motown only add to the chaos. when the kids need a bath and you end up soaked yourself. when you've picked out everybody's outfit for the morning, packed all the lunches, wiped down the counters, set the coffee maker (oh, our saving grace). when switch by switch the lights go out and the house goes to bed... i'm still up with the babes every couple of hours - don't even get me started on the horrible sleep habits my child picked up recently when she out-grew her swaddle, the vibrations on the bassinet broke and the heat-wave that forced us to camped out in the living room for a spell. it can all get a little frustrating in the moment.

i know we'll find a new balance, now that our time has become much more sparse. but the trial and error getting there has this mama sad. i was so busy making sure everyone had what they needed and were where they needed to be that i got caught up in the logistics of everything. super-mom fail.

so tonight, when i pick our babies up after work, i'm gonna slow down. 

sloooww it down.

i'll remind myself that everything will get done eventually (or wait for another day), and i won't let it take the place of quality time. i won't rush us through our night so we can get to bed "on time", not at the expense of loving on my family. going back to work often feels like i'm losing so much time, and well, time management has never been my strong suit. but i can't let it steal my sweetness (as it has recently) and replace it with guilt <-- the worst! less clock watching and more giving of myself. more laughing at my boys and their ridiculous jokes, more kisses and songs for my baby, more smiling because i'm happy! i'm tired and achy and poor and stressed and brain-dead and sore, but mostly i'm happy. and it's better to let that joy shine through than that icky list of adjectives.

my lesson? lighten up, loosen the reins, relax, enjoy my family. maybe the laundry will get done. maybe it won't. same goes for the dishes. and the toys scattered about. but my family will have my full attention and my warmth, there's no skimping on that, it's what they need most.

super-mom isn't realistic. but the attempt really made me check my priorities. i don't care how we look from the outside, as long as i'm taking the best care of my family on the inside. 

*deep breath* 

just rush hour stands between me and the very best part of my day - husband, henry & audrey.