mom's day.

i've never conceived a baby in my womb. never ached for nine months. never dreamed of ten little fingers and ten little toes growing inside me. never felt the twinges, kicks and punches. never labored and held creation on my chest. not ever, not yet.

it's no secret that my "nevers" come matched with an undying longing... and even a natural hint of jealousy for those who are called "mom".

but! i have this equally amazing and dynamically different blessing, i'm a step-mom. a very very proud and happy step-mama.

things come differently when the baby you love isn't of you. natural instincts of a mother are something i've literally had to practice before they began to come naturally. our bonds aren't birthed, they aren't maternal; that is his very special connection with his mom. no, our bonds started with a hand-hold @ dt disney and have been breathed into every day efforts since; of learning, listening, trusting, guiding, consoling, encouraging, disciplining, loving, accepting, growing, and teaching. they've taken years to build, and each day to up-keep. i know it won't ever be the same, and i don't wish it that way. but i also know that what i do share with him, is unique and special, a gift. a gift i wouldn't change or trade for anything on this earth.

mother's day was a tad heavy for me. the world seemed to show me repeatedly that i'm not mom, that i don't fit the criteria (that awkward, 3rd wheel, "step" feeling). i have no delusions about being the mom, only truths about being a mom, knowing first hand about motherhood (even if it doesn't include the whole spectrum). it took me awhile to process the weight of the holiday. to sift through the facts and land upon what matters. and it goes like this:

i'm strapping henry into his car seat. i'm leaning over battling with the seat belt. and out of nowhere, he hugs me, holding on so tight. and i just stay there in that moment, bear-hugging henry & car seat alike. i tell him he's the sweetest bug. and he tells me "well, i DO love you." and that's it, right there, what matters most. no mother's day present could have touched my heart deeper. melt, melt, melt (i'm still melting!).

though this holiday left me feeling left out, my sweet henry did not. i suppose it was selfish to want recognition. when truly it doesn't matter how anyone else views who i am to henry, but henry. and he knows. he knows that i'm his missy, that i love him, that i care for him, and that i'd do anything in this world for him.

i am henry's step-mom. he is my mother's day gift, the gift of step-motherhood.