joy.

there was something missing for a bit of a block of time; not missing in the sense that i couldn't find it; rather lacking use.

we all have our seasons...

when we don't listen closely; we're quick to speak, quicker to respond.

we're not as free to give of ourselves; generosity sometimes weights on circumstance.

we become selfish, in some instances knowingly; others we're blindly selfish, following our wants disguised as our needs.

and when things don't add up, when a part of your heart isn't filled up, when the seams start to stretch and snare under the weight of the thoughts you thought were just full of hot steam:

you reinforce your walls.

you don't cry out for help.

you don't bow down on your knees.

you don't pray.

you don't talk to God.

you work it out on your own.

i'm happy to say, this season has ended.

i stopped paving my walls with guilt-ridden thoughts, and they crumbled, just like that. all the hours of wasteful effort building them higher, and it took a split second. a milla-second.

in that moment of letting go, i let my God back in.

and i wept for how much i had missed His presence.

He filled me with a peace i will never find elsewhere, and a joy incomparable to anything on this earth.

my season of silence ran its course, and brought me right where i'm supposed to be: humbled, on my knees, praying, and full of His joy.

thank you God, for your mercy & grace.

"joy to the world the Lord has come!

let earth receive her King;

let every heart prepare Him room"